Is it Spring yet?

I used to LOVE winter. Before I realised how badly I could freeze my tits off. Fucking hell. 

So, what's in my plans for spring? I plan on driving a bit more (believe me, it's a lot harder with my kind of folk), hopefully enough to GET MY P'S. 

Be able to sit in AAMI Park and not freeze to death...thank Christ. Here's to Melbourne Victory scoring and winning a few more in the coming months.

Here's to me passing everything. Christ, my hopes are bleak though. I rather get raped than sit through a database examination. I know I may seem like the happy-go-lucky douche that you see 100% of the time. But...dear CHRIST, my course is sucking my soul from me. And you, YOU suck! That's right...random name here. Goddamnit, where is my music!


Right, so I decided to give Asking Alexandria a go. And I am so glad I did. Phwaoooahhhhhh, think the bastard child of Enter Shikari and Bring Me The Horizon. Love the former, meh for the latter. But it WORKS, it GODDAMN WORKS!


Movies? I have seriously been up to my neck with other shit. I watched Talladega Nights again, it was on TV, and it was pretty fucking funny. Can't wait for The Other Guys.


Uni? Oh dayum girl, don't get me starte-

It was gonna end there before i realized I never LEFT the vault

So I discovered I can freeze time and shoot off limbs based on a mathematical calculation of probability. I know, who said maths couldn't be cool? So anyway, I blew away that cockroach (it's called a Radroach for some reason that I'll figure out in seven seconds) and all was fine. My dad wanted to take a picture with me but I shot him with the BB Gun until he was knocked unconscious. Then I took the picture. It was HILARIOUS. 

Fast forward to some sex-obsessed teenager now. I stole the Bobblehead off my dad's desk, probably to beat off into later. Wait, WHAT?

Skipped the Generalized Occupational Aptitude Test. Yes, the GOAT. DO PEOPLE THAT LIVE HERE REALIZE HOW STUPID THAT SOUNDS? I pour all my skills into guns. Because I plan to shoot everyone in this stupid Vault. Saw some hot chick called Amata being bullied by Butch. Oh Butch. How I loathe thee. Anyway, I made fun of the broad's weight. See ya! 

Waking up now. Amata, hey I was just dreaming about you! WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY LIAM-NEESON-SOUNDALIKE FATHER HAS RUN OFF? Oh FUCK YOU AMATA, I KNOW YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE. Wait, she's given me a gun? Fuck yes, my plan has come to fruition! But wait! A BASEBALL BAT? Oh ho ho, it must be Christmas. 

Oh God, more roaches. But I don't care. Freeze time, smash the shit out of them, continue on. A lovely couple talking about escaping. Pull gun out as soon as the guy starts running and gun em down before the cops do. Then kill the cops. 

*eye twitches*

Officer, I swear I didn't do anything! POLICE BRUTALITY! STOP WHACKING ME! 

MUAHAHAHAH TABLES HAVE TURNED, ROACHES ARE EATING YOU ALIVE, MUAHAHAHAHA!!! OH MY GOD THEY DEVOURED HIM AND TURN TO ME NOW!!! DIE DIE DIE!!!!

Oh hi Butch? What's that, you want me to save your mother? She's getting eating by roaches? THIS I GOTTA SEE. Tell him to go fuck himself, than beat him to death with a bat. Go to the room, beat the roaches, and when her guard is down, beat THE MOTHER to death. Being evil has never been so nauseating.

Oh, it's the Overseer. He's about to rape Amata? Oh my God-can i join? No, no rape? Ok, beat the shit out of the guy for his clothes and keys. Find Amata, who's throwing a hissy fit over me killing her DAD? THE OVERSEER WAS HER DAD? So...guess sex is out of the question yeah?

Run run run, open door. Oh my God I see the light. I see the light! Turn around, two officers are like still chasing me, though they seem to have encountered an invisible wall. They don't wanna leave the Vault. Show them the finger and off my merry way... open the door to reveal...some shit. I left the comfort of my home for this?

A tour of Capital Wasteland, Part 1.

A story in the life of Fallout 3.


*comes out of womb crying. Funnily enough, hitting the A button makes me wail. It's fucking annoying, so I'll keep hitting it.*

My dad just asks me if I'm a boy or girl. Seriously, I'm two minutes old and he wants ME to decipher what I am? Eurgh...I choose girl. Because I am a baby, and don't know any better. Wahhhh. Now I'm expected to predict my future look. Weird, I can choose a mohawk for my hairstyle. My real parents would NEVER let me do that! Oh wait...you are my real parents...Liam Neeson and lady on bed who is going to die...oh look, she's dying, I predict correctly, AGAIN.

Fastforward? Epic. I'm a baby. The A button is now goo-goo ga-ga noises. And no, I'm not going to break into Bad Romance. It's the 2200's, she died seven years ago.

You're SPECIAL? Yes I am. Pool all my points into the Luck skill. I wanna go to a casino and win big.

I'm ten? More fastforward. At this rate I'll finish the game before dinner. And it's 6:29 already. Some douche called Butch is bullying me? Thank GOD I skipped that. Now I get a BB Gun for my birthday. Awesome, this birthday is neat, even though that robot fucked up my cake, what a douche. I'm shooting shit. Oh my God A GIANT COCKROACH. FUCKING FUCK FUCK- *turns game off*.

Oh fuck, I forgot to save.

Late night blogging can be dangerous

I am WATCHING...well I just finished Goodfellas. A solid, 4 star film. Was watching Pubic...I mean PUBLIC Enemies, but I realized starting a 2+ hour film at 12:30 isn't so healthy. Robot Chicken. Whoo. 

Um...I never talk on MSN. If I do, it means YOU. ARE. SUBJECT. TO. MY. INCREDIBLY-HIGH-SYMPTOMS-THAT-MAKE-ME-HAPPY. 

Don't think you're special. You probably are. 

I hate my room. It has a awesome thing. Bed. It's quite empty at the moment though. Mainly because I'm in another room.

Ok, I'm changing my top 3 films. Fight Club>Hot Fuzz>Juno. Number of viewings: 69-69-6969

We will use rubber duckies to symbolize danger zones. This one is the green zone. It's name is MATT DAMON.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

Sup. Say hi. TO YOUR MOTHER. OH WAIT. 

Are you ready for your assignment?

I want you to go out. And start a fight with a total stranger. And I want you to lose. Tell me how it goes.

I'm off to do pushups until I pass out. So tuff. YEAH.

Things I rather be doing than watching Piranha 3D

Spending my well earned 15 bucks on a well earned hooker.

Buying Kick-Ass on DVD and NOT lamenting loss of money.

For gods sake, buying The Room on DVD and not lament loss of money.

Kill self.

Drink my weight in Coke Zero.

READ MY UNI BOOKS...ok, that one isn't true.

I was actually legitimately thinking of learning some Regina Spektor on piano. 

Get my feet pummiced. 

Go to Bren's unitarian church.

Get hit by a truck full of HOT GARBAGE JUICE.

Ok...those last 3 were from Juno.

But seriously, this movie looks like shite. If you like Saw, then maybe you'll like this. Me? I'll youtube all the death scenes and get the same amount of satisfaction, rather than slapping down a few bucks for the 3D glasses and 50 minutes of boring blah-blah, with scenes of sporadic violence mixed in, with a predictable grand finale full of naked chicks and a swarm of little fishes with a fetish for flesh. Naked flesh.

......

*runs to nearest cinema*

I decided to get serious for a moment.

Recently my mother said that since my body was already broken, I'm pretty much free from any more bad things to happen to me. (Technically she didn't say it in those words, but I reckon they sound more poetic)

I don't think she gets life. Just because something bad happens, doesn't mean you have a free shot. There is no such thing as karma. One bad thing happens, doesn't mean nothing else bad will happen! I....kinda lost my track of where I'm going with this.

Never trust a sociopath. You know it's gonna end badly. 

My life is riddled with...riddles. 

IN A PRISON CELL. Need TO GET OUT. 

I am not the most personal person you've ever met. In fact, I'm probably the LEAST personal person you've ever met! That's just me. I'm not the emotionally deep person, I mean, sure, I cry at movies. A LOT of movies. But...that's not really my point is it? I lack emotional depth. I'm a friggen rock. And I like it that way. I'm emotionally incapable of carrying a relationship, but so what? In my lifetime, I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm just looking to living life. 

And that folks, is what we should all be doing.

Of course, let's AVOID the whole, you know, robot person thing. That only works for me 

I'll tell you more about me...when I find out myself...

later (:

Update this crap with random crap!

So. I realize I should update this BLOOOOOOOG as much as I update my statuses. Like...once an hour. So what's been going on in my life as of...23 of August?

Nothing. Uni. Por-
moving on. 

Got married. Legit. She even gave me a ring. Yes, I'm the wife. 

Went drinking. Went out. Slept in. 
Ok, first of firsts:

What movies I watched recently:

(SPOILERS FOR SCOTT PILGRIM...ALTHOUGH IT'S BASICALLY A FORMULAIC ROMANTIC COMEDY...WITH SUPERPOWERS)
I'm going to focus on Scott Pilgrim here. After hearing from everyone how amazing this film was, obviously, my expectations would obviously be quite high. And unfortunately, Scott Pilgrim failed to impress. It seems destined to aim for 'cult' status, it's basically two hours of homages and callbacks to old school gaming (which I never got into when I myself was a kid), and the less said about Michael Cera the better. Ellen Wong is also a annoying Asian bitch who, on the plus side, vomits sunshine and happiness. Yeah, she's pretty damn cute. Whatever.

On the PLUS side, there's some killer jokes, and the homages that I DID catch were pretty funny as well. Highlight number 1:

Scott Pilgrim jumping out of a window. I've seen it a million times in the trailers but it was still pretty funny.

There were a couple of neat fight scenes. The whole Roxy v Ramona was good. The first fight was kinda ruined by the whole 'Bollywood' thing that was incredibly lame. I personally did enjoy the whole fighting game homages, with stuff like *Scott* VS *random guy* being superimposed on the screen, and the whole K.O at the end, complete with cheesy announcement.

But most of the time the comedy falls flat, the ending is kinda...meh (I mean...poor Knives). And the BIGGEST problem? Ok, I'm gonna level with the one/two people who read this (thank you btw :D). I'm perfectly fine with the amounts of over-ridiculousness that the film thrusts upon us, but the fact that we have reminders every now and then that we're NOT meant to think that these 'superpower fights' are part of that world. Cue example STACEY PILGRIM. She's the one who exhibits incredulity that these guys are fighting video-game style, with crazy effects and unbelievable powers. Look Edgar Wright (director), you either go all out or not at all. By trying to instill a 'rational' link to our world, you ruin the tone of the film. With Stacey ever-so-present to remind us that it's just a film, the whole immersion factor was lost on me. And I, along with my friends next to me, were right next to Stacey, incredulous at the amount of craziness going on on screen.

So, contrary to my FB review, I'll give it 3 stars. It's nice to see something unique, even though the plot was basically ANY typical romance film, only with video games. I'll recommend a watch, because I rather you watch this than 'The Expendables'. Ugh. I will not be spending my well earned (by that I mean whoring myself out) money on THAT travesty of a film.

Final shout outs go to Kieran Culkin and Allison Pill playing two of the funniest characters in the film. Gay roomate + sarcastic drummer? AWESOME.

"WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB AND WE ARE HERE TO WATCH SCOTT PILGRIM KICK YOUR TEETH IN! ONE TWO THREE FOUR-"


Music:
Influenced by the wife, I decided to check out these albums. All the ones I put up here are thoroughly recommended:

oh...cbf putting up album covers. Suck it! (I realize now why no one reads this O_o)

On the heavy side:
A Day To Remember- Homesick/For Those Who Have Heart:
Think New Found Glory meets Killswitch Engage. Pure epic. I always wanted to combine those two genres. Well, not really. But it's pretty damn catchy, fresh and easy to listen to. Typical screaming+typical pop punk riffs and anthems= a damn good band. Top tracks for Homesick= If It Means A Lot To You, and I'm Made of Wax...
FTWHH=The brilliant cover of Kelly Clarkson's 'Since U Been Gone'. But there's some more gems in there.

Alesana- The Emptiness.
It's a concept album, but don't let me bore you with the story. Again, metalcore/post-hardcore. More high-pitched singing mixed with atypical screaming. It's pretty safe stuff here. 

Parkway Drive- Deep Blue.
Eh. It's no 'Horizons'. But Sleepwalker is one of their best songs in their entire catalog.


On the softer side:
Belle & Sebastian- The Boy With The Arab Strap.
Yes, it was mentioned in the film 500 Days Of Summer. It's pretty amazing. Indie rock, I dunno what you call it. It's very mellow, very sweet, and the perfect album to listen to when you're with a significant other or just want to fall asleep to something that isn't SCREAMING IN YOUR HEAD.

Yeah, I consider this to be soft(er):
New Found Glory- Coming Home.
It's NOTHING compared to their latest and first, but it's definitely nice and slow. Pop punk for the drugged up. 

Paramore- Riot!
I don't really LOVE Paramore...but goddamn I do love Hayley William's voice. And her face...and her ass-




Moving on to shit I'm reading:

I WAS reading WWZ by Max Brooks, until I lent it to my mate Tom. Good book, details basically World War 3...if it was zombies. World War Z. It's pretty harrowing for a FICTIONAL book, and it's got a fair share of blood, brains and kick-ass commentary. 


My Sister's Keeper, for the 100th time.
It's awesome. Jodi Picoult. Pick up a copy. Possibly her best book. No comment on the movie, haven't seen it.


Death Note, finished off Battle Royale, Ichi The Killer, and I tried reading a volume of One Piece but I was too busy. All courtesy of my brother and his University Library. My library sucks balls, I'd be lucky to snag a seat half the time.


My uni books...(laughs hysterically)




I'll leave you here. Pick up a recommendation, if you're like me, you shan't regret it!
Peace.

Inception: a quick analysis from memory (SPOILERS DEAR GOD)

There's been a crapload of crap about everything in this film. Mostly crap. The ending to be precise. By god, do not read this if you have NOT seen the film yet. You should though, it's easily my favorite film of the year, and not just because Ellen Page gets wet (although it doesn't hurt).

SPOILERS IMMINENT

SERIOUSLY, STOP READING IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN IT

LAST WARNING

Ok, you're on your own. I'm now going to explain my views. And I'm going to waste time hand holding your way through. If you can't understand the terminology, well...I warned ya.

The ending:

Ok, so the top is spinning. It starts to wobble. Is it going to fall? IS IT?

Cut to black.

Both times I saw it, the entire audience groaned, sighed, and laughed. Nolan is pure genius. Because that was OUR kick. You know what a kick is? Good. We have been in absorbed in a different mindset. The movie. And the last, shocking shot, is the kick that takes us back to reality.

Is the whole film a dream? Maybe. Remember what Cobb says to Ariadne?

"You never really remember the beginning of a dream, do you? You always wind up in the middle of the dream."

"I guess"

GUESS how the movie starts?

IN MEDIA RES.

AKA- in the middle of A SCENE. Do we know how he got there? NO.

The totem:

It's not even Cobb's. It's his wife's. Remember what was said earlier? Only the user of the totem can know it's fundamentals. Arthur's is a loaded die, and only he knows the exact weights. Ariadne's is some sort of chess piece...which we never see her use >.<

But then again, it's irrelevant in reality. Reality will determine whether that top falls or not. If it was a dream, it could keep spinning endlessly. In reality, it has to fall eventually. The ending...we see it wobble. We do NOT, however, see it topple. 

IF, if the whole movie WAS a dream...who is the host of the entire movie?

Yusuf is the host for the first technical dream. It's raining because he didn't go to the toilet, and it's registering with his mind, hence the downpour. Whoever hosts the dream CANNOT go deeper. Which is why he is left to drive the van. Arthur is the next host, which is kinda obvious, the hotel designs, matched with his impeccable fashion and his past architecture designs with the Japanese castle fits him perfectly. He is left to fight off the guards, and also, he uses the anti-gravity to his advantage. Eames is the lucky owner of the third dream level. They TELL the mark, Fischer, that they are entering his Godfather's mind, because Fischer thinks he, Browning, has betrayed him. But really they're entering Eames. And he is forced to fend off a battalion of guards.

Limbo. It belongs to whoever was there last. And Cobb and Mal were the last inhabitants, for about 50 years. So that's why the cities were there. Because they got bored and built shit :)

Did Saito trick Cobb from the start?

Saito, PLANTED the idea of Inception within Cobb's mind. Think about THAT. And Cobb pulled it off. Which means the idea was successfully planted. Well done Saito.

Which makes the whole movie an audition to see if Cobb could pull it off.

Also, if the whole film was a dream, then WE have been 'Incepted'. The idea that the whole film was a dream was successfully planted in our brains. We can't get rid of our thoughts, and if you're like me, you just keep thinking whether or not it was a dream, or reality. Inception=successful. Nolan, you magnificent bastard.

"Do you want to die alone? Old, and full of regrets?"

Guess what the signature song is called, to signal the incoming kick? Edith Piaf's "I Regret Nothing"

In the end...Cobb didn't care about the totem spinning. In every other sequence, he waits until the top falls over, even planting a gun to his head in case he was still in a dream. But by the end...he just doesn't care. He wanted to be with his kids. 

Oh...and there ARE differences in the clothing during the DREAM kids and the END OF FILM kids. Subtle...subtle though. I CBF going through the list. 

When was the last time we saw it spin until it toppled over? After the sedated dream under Yusuf's chemicals for the first time? WRONNNGGGGGG. Saito interrupts before Cobb can spin it. And we don't see him spin it until the end. WHICH MEANS, the whole sequence could've been a dream from that point. He might still be under sedation from that point.

528-491. What does it mean?

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. But the deeper we go into Fischer's subconscious, the more HE thinks they start to mean something, and in the end, he uses the numbers to open a safe WITHIN his mind, thinking that the combination meant something. 

The henchman SUCK at aiming during the snow level. Um...that's because they're technically working for Fischer, who no longer sees the entire team as enemies. I still don't get why they didn't disappear completely. But...that would've been a boring movie.

"Mal. Bad. In the latin." -Firefly quote from the 2nd episode, but it's relevant, seeing as the antagonist's name is MAL.

You know how in a dream, the projections can detect an intruder, and they start staring, then act hostile? When Cobb is walking out of the airport, his entire crew is just...staring at him. Along with Fischer, who gives a glance. 

Ok, that was a weak point. Still, that scene was very surreal.

Ok...Or maybe it wasn't a dream. He woke up, got his kids back. Happy ending. It's logical, and it's the ending I choose to believe. 

The END...or is it?

Some completely generic facts about me

Most cans of Coke drunk in one night: 12.
 (coincidentally I was diagnosed with Diabetes the next morning...jokes)

It was Coke Zero. As in...zero harmful effects...
*eye twitches*

Name of Fender guitar: Ellen Page <3
Name of old guitar: Piece o' crap.
Name of acoustic: Piece o' wood.

My ipod has a chip on the side...and I have no idea how it happened. Maybe I chewed on it...

Most amount of money spent on earphones that were broken within a week: 37 bucks. I think. Round it off.


Amount of DVD's: About 50.

Amount of pirate DVD's: About 250.

Hours wasted in year 12: About all of it.
Hours spent actually studying: About none of it.


Number of songs I can play on the guitar: Actually...very few I memorise. Maybe like 4. With a tab, maybe 100.


My favorite band: Nothing. Everything.
My favorite food: Kettle's. Fucking addicted. Chilli.
My favorite form of torture: Uh...

Greatest film in the world: Fight Club.
Second greatest: Juno.
Third greatest: Hot Fuzz.


My favorite song has to be Hey Ya. Goddamn it's awesome.


I have a love/hate relationship with my life. 
I hate/hate my uni. 


My red hoodie is my most prized possession. 


I have to go to a uni review course tomorrow D: that's where they rag on about you failing and you explain why you did. I plan to turn on the waterworks...watch this space to see if it works.


My Samsung S7330 recently stopped vibrating. If anyone knows how to fix it I will shut up about Ellen Page for a week. Two weeks. Maybe a month...


I REALLY want to fix this goddamn phone >.<


I love karaoke. I suck, suck, SUCK at it.


I love movies. I have a epic taste in movies.


I love music. I have the weirdest taste in music. In my current playlist, I have Aqua's 'Barbie Girl', followed by Cradle Of Filth's 'Coffin Fodder', then some random crap from anything thrown in.


Like my personality, my music taste changes as fast as you can say...something.


I'm possibly the least stereotypical Asian ever. I suck at maths, I dress like a bogan, I don't obsess about my hair, I don't play WoW, I can't speak/read/write Chinese, I have a big dic-


Uh...let's move on.


I DO however, like cute little Asian things. I like anything cute. They're...cute. Come on. 


Needs an adequate amount of booze before I start dancing and acting all gay.


If I tell anything else, well then it's just not a challenge anymore, is it?


Peace.

Why you should NEVER drive with your parents

Driving is great fun. 

Driving with Asian parents is the exact opposite.

But I don't blame them, if you've ever been to China you'd see how fucking CRAZY the driving is over there. I swear, in a taxi I saw the speedometer hit 150km/h. Then again, I was half dead at the time. But I looked around and my whole family had their eyes tightly shut and they all looked like they were about to barf.

Scariest car ride ever.

While backing out of driveway at 2km/h:

Mother: "WATCH OUT, YOU'RE GOING TO CRASH, YOU'RE GOING TO FAST!"

Me: (Eventually backs out of driveway after six hours)

Don't even THINK about listening to music while driving. This one was actually my fault. Kept on speeding because I was listening to some speed metal -___-

And for gods sake, do headchecks. And in my parents case, do them for half an hour. Seriously, I'm meant to indicate, look quickly and then change lanes. My parents are under the impression that I should indicate, look, look, look, look, change while looking, continue looking, turn off indicator, and if I'm lucky, stop looking.

Seriously, the only reason I'd be looking for that long is if Ellen Page was in the car behind me.

I wish I got my P's :(

Because I love music...

I'm going to share with you my 5 favorite albums in my...well short life span. I'm sure something better will come along, but in the meantime:

(While trying to learn the guitar: "I must be musical, I have hundreds of CD's!")

For the sake of not being a douche, I'm keeping it to this decade strictly. Except for this one:

Number 5:
Dream Theater
Metropolis, Pt. 2: Scenes from a Memory

Is it meant to be one of those psychological tests? Cos...i see a face

It's pretty epic. And I do mean that in the strictest sense. EPIC. There's accordions, jazz crap, and I'm sure I heard a harp at one point.
It's a 'Prog-rock' album, to coin it in literally. Dream Theater are a band that have usually stayed underground, but has a massive fanbase there. I am one of those self proclaimed fans, and this is easily their masterpiece. Insane time signatures, tight production, epic keyboards, the whole jazz. It's a concept album about a guy called Nicholas discovering his past incarnation as some broad called Victoria, and what led to her death. For a album, it's a pretty interesting story. And the last track is probably the best in terms of catchiness, music quality, and story.

So give it a listen. It's pretty tough to sit through the whole thing in one go, but it's even worse to pause it halfway and do something else...like listen to THIS ALBUM!

(I love a good segue^_^)

Number 4:
 Coheed and Cambria
Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV, Volume One: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness

I can't believe they fit the title on the cover O_O

Yeah, it's another "PROGRESSIVE" album, but shut up, I'm listening to it right now :)
And yes, it's ANOTHER concept album, but unlike the last one, I have no fucking clue what they're singing about. But goddamn, it's still amazing.
The first half is more of a radio-friendly, anthem sounding catchy sorta style of music, while the second half transcends into a more progressive, rock opera style. It's hard to say which half is better. I listen to the first half much more, but the second half is just superior in terms of...well...it shows how much C&C have evolved. Of course, it couldn't have worked at all if it wasn't for the brilliant voice of Claudio Sanchez. Seriously, this guy can sing. And if you're wondering how they pull up live, just check out the Neverender DVD. It can, and it's amazing how multi-talented Sanchez is, pulling off complicated riffs while singing his heart out. Top track would definitely be Apollo 1: The Writing Writer. Yeah, retarded name, but it's damn catchy, the lead guitar work is sensational, and it harbors some great lyrics:

I don't want to go
So come on bitch, why aren't you laughing now?
You left me here to fend on my own accord
So cry on bitch, why aren't you laughing now?


-believe me, when you hear the song, you'll agree the lyrics are great.



I lack a proper segue for number

3 (hey, actually that segue worked ok):
Parkway Drive
Horizons

Seriously, you can't expect a witty caption for every one, can ya?

Huh. So, we've dived into the dangerous territory of 'metalcore'. Don't be hating, don't close my blog now and send me hate mail, it's actually a pretty decent album. The shortest album on this list, still clocking a hefty 38 minutes of pure, raw, energy. Seriously, this band gets you pumped, makes you wanna mosh. And that's what makes it work. Insane guitars, ground shaking drums and...well...non existent bass mixed with some quality screaming. It just works. The screaming isn't too heavy, and there's even some clean vocals thrown in for the rhythmic parts, when it dies down for a moment, or when it's building up to the final chorus or solo. Guitars are quality as well. I'm still trying to learn the breathtaking solo for "Breaking Point". Best song? Romance is De-
Wait, that's on their first album >.<.
I'd say...Five Months. It's really good. Either that or Carrion.

So moving on, if there's anyone still reading...

Number 2:
Rise Against
The Sufferer & the Witness

Uh...I see a couple coffee stains. Seriously. Might need some help here...

Ohhhh man. Rise Against. One of my favorite bands. What got me into the whole live gig scene thing, kinda. Well, I really wanted to see them live, and I did, does that count?

No complicated story here. Just, like the previous album, energy. Fist pumping anthems that were created to yell/sing along to, moshing and what-not. Your heart starts beating faster when you know the great bit is coming up, Tim McIlrath sings with passion and power, and you swear you've never heard any other band do the (usually generic) Punk Rock genre with as much love as these guys. And don't be doubting yourself, you haven't heard punk rock until you've heard this album. Yes, I chose to put them under Punk Rock. I think it's fitting, to a degree. Best song? Behind Closed Doors. Which is why I was heartbroken when they didn't play it live. Oh well, there's always next time.


Oh, finally, we've reached number 1. Oh no wait, this means I have to go back to my crappy accounting work ^_^

Number 1:
Streetlight Manifesto
Somewhere In The Between

And taking the prize for shittiest album cover in a blogpost full of shitty album covers...

Right. Saxophones. Punk rhythm guitars. Actual BASS. Decent vocals. Trumpets. It's a full scale orchestra for the punk. But technically it's called Ska, or if you want to get REALLY technical, Third Wave Ska. Ska Punk is a genre I rarely listen to, yet here is my number one. Why? Because no one does it better, and it's not only an amazingly technical accomplishment, it's tied together with band members who have mastered their instruments, an amazing leader of Tomas Kalnoky, and some damn, DAMN FINE lyrics.
 Yes, I'm creaming myself over this album. It's just that good. From the starting song it assaults you with a cacophony of saxophones, trumpets, drums, bass and that light ska-rhythm guitar that is so well renowned. This is easily the best ska album I've listened to, and it's mix of jazz and punk works so bloody well, it's like peanut butter and chocolate, or me and a vinyl player. It's goddamn delicious. Wait...that analogy doesn't work...
Favorite track has to be The Receiving End Of It All. Yeah, not going into it. It's good. Really good. An amazing song in an already amazing album. The one flaw it has is the track listing. The Title track would've worked amazing if it was the closing track, but hey, nobody's perfect. But this is about as close as you can get.


There it is folks. I had fun writing this, so I don't care if you hate it :)

Oh hell, here's some other albums that have wowed me, influenced me, but I couldn't find the words to talk about them:
Iron Maiden- Powerslave
Black Sabbath- Paranoid
Megadeth- Rust In Peace, Peace Sells....But Who's Buying?
Metallica- Master Of Puppets, Ride The Lightning, Kill 'em All.
Journey- Um...whatever one that had Don't Stop Believing
Children Of Bodom- Follow The Reaper
Led Zeppelin- I, II, III, IV
Parkway Drive- Killing With A Smile
A Day To Remember- Homesick
Rise Against- All the others besides The Unraveling
Enter Shikari- Take To The Skies, Common Dreads
Alexisonfire- Crisis (actually, this would've been in my top 6 ^_^)
Avenged Sevenfold- City Of Evil (top 7 ^_^)

My review of Scott Pilgrim

I have not seen it.

But I'll probably like it.

Is procrastination dangerous?

Right.
Hour 1: 57 minutes spent on Facebook. Looked at a couple sentences about eCommerce.
Hour 2: Married someone on Facebook. Further spam.
Hour 3: Went and had lunch. Chicken was oh so delish.
Hour 4: More spamming with the wife.
Hour 5: It's almost over. Looked at book again.

Tutor's reaction to not having done anything: Incredibly painful. He tore me a new one.

AND THUS I CONCLUDE THAT PROCRASTINATION IS DANGEROUS.

A review of Chatroulette

Number of penises seen: 574.
Number of hot chicks: 2.
Number of kids high on kool-aid: 231.
Amount of time wasted that I'll never get back: 15 minutes.

I'm actually impressed with people's confidence to flash their dicks. Even if I hid my face I couldn't do it. Self-conscious guy over here.

Now if girls shared the same confidence, I'd give Chatroulette a 10.

But in this case I give it a 2/574.

Juno part 2

Why does everyone HATE it?
Easy. Now, not everyone is like me, and watched it 3 times in one night (might’ve been four). Not everyone loved it as much as me. Actually, half of my friends think it’s a pile of shit. This can be explained by a few things:
1) Hype. Hype ruins everything. The little movie that could, the movie that garnered a heap of awards can easily be expected to revolutionize your life. It won’t. And you’ll walk away going, ‘what the fuck did I just waste my money on?’ Also, my friends hate it because I won’t shut up about it. And that friends, is a form of hype right there. Hype kills. Avatar, The Hurt Locker, just a few things that were ruined by hype. Pixar and Christopher Nolan seem to be immune to it though.
2) The script. Again, Diablo Cody can hit or miss. If you’ve caught Jennifer’s Body, you know you need the PERFECT cast to pull it off. Jennifer’s Body had Megan Fox. And it was a pile of crap. But others who watch Juno would be like, ‘that’s NOT how teenagers talk! This is the most inaccurate film ever! WHAT THE HELL IS SHE SAYING?! IS SHE POSSESSED?’
3) Soundtrack. People find the unbearable cuteness, well, unbearable. Kimya Dawson, Velvet Underground, Antsy Pants. Ever heard of these? Yeah, me neither, before I saw the film. People may cringe at that last scene with the duet between Cera and Page, especially if they’ve hated the music up until the final shots.
4) Just to spite me. If I got a dollar every time someone told me that Ellen Page sucks just to annoy me, I’d be...well...$1047 richer.

One of Juno’s main problems (yes, I am being rational here) is that it glamorizes pregnancy, and the whole adoption/keeping the baby route.
Is it anti-abortion? Is it pro choice? The answer is... it’s much more complicated than that. But this film should not be taken into consideration when trying to decide what to do if you’re faced with such a problematic situation. It’s pure fiction, and the truth is much more complicated and difficult than the movie makes it out to be. Unfortunately, people take it much too seriously and accuse the film of delivering such radical messages. Again, not true.
However, the film gives us several situations where Juno is faced with these problems. First, the trip to the Women Now clinic, a place where she was going to get her abortion. However, after hearing from a picketing classmate outside the clinic about, no, not her child’s beating heart, not the fact that the child can feel pain, but that it has FINGERNAILS, and having some sort of ‘fingernail freakout’ in the clinic, she resolves to go through with the pregnancy, giving it up for adoption. A trivial thing such as fingernails is what changes her mind. Again, Diablo Cody, well done. You tackle the difficult subject of teenage pregnancy with humour, and thus, no serious aftermath should be inflicted to the viewers. So this “Juno Effect” that the press labelled during a rise in teenage pregnancy is, and always will be, utter bollocks.
Does Diablo Cody state her own opinion clearly? Maybe. Again, the fingernails thing. And also, during an altercation with the ultrasound technician, it’s clear that the technician firmly believes that adoption is necessary for a teenage girl like Juno, but ends up embarrassed and on the losing side of an argument with Juno, Leah and Juno’s stepmother, Bren. Is this a subtle and clever dig at the fact that adoption isn’t the best option for situations like Juno’s? Or is it just another humorous moment in Juno’s life?

2: Mark’s hesitancy and unwillingness to grow up, take responsibility, many subtle references.
Next up is Mark Loring! And to an extent, Vanessa. Now look away, because I’m about to spoilt something here (but seriously, if you haven’t seen this film, it’s been like 3 years, and obviously it means you haven’t been hanging out with me enough)

SPOILER IMMINENT

Mark gets cold feet. Actually, I’m just gonna go on a side note here. Paulie seems to be sweet, but dimwitted. The father does nothing but have a genuinely heartwarming talk with Juno.
Is it just me, or do the women dominate the screen?
Is this a feminist film?
Well come on, if you could make a film about pregnancy focused on males. One of my friend’s complaints was that it was all feminist, and there is my response to that silly statement.

Anyway, back on Mark, played by the lovely Jason Bateman. On repeat viewings, you can tell that Mark’s hesitance is showing up EVERYWHERE. EXAMPLE NUMBER 1 (not necessarily in order of appearance):
When listening to music in the living room, Juno directly asks Mark a question about the baby. Mark immediately directs his and her attention to the song, which was...Superstar? Sonic Youth.

EXAMPLE NUMBER 2:
Watching a horror movie. Juno asks what the baby’s name is going to be. Mark’s clearly uncomfortable here, and gives Juno a fleeting glance, says “VANESSA likes Maddison” (of course, this could also relate to the fact that Vanessa is clearly the one in control here, forcing Mark to pack his possessions into one little room), and immediately looks back at the horror movie.

MAYBE EXAMPLE 3:
When Juno leaves the note, Mark automatically presumes it’s a ‘bill’ from Juno. Vanessa however, is clearly in, and prepared for the motherly role, and immediately knows it’s for her.

EXAMPLE NUMBER 4:
Dancing. To Mott the Hoople. Juno clearly instigates it by the way, probably hurting from not being asked to prom by Bleeker, turns to Mark for a dance. Mark indicates at her (by this point, very pregnant) belly and says “it’s kinda getting in the way”.

Mark clearly does not want Juno’s baby, but Juno herself. The chemistry between the two is very complicated, not to mention plain weird, but it’s there, if only one way. Juno sees him as nothing more as a cool guy to hang out with, and the adopted father of her child. She likes Mark because he’s easier to connect with. They bond over music and horror movies, much like two friends should. However, when Mark states “What do you think of me?” with awkward pose included, it’s obvious he’s been pining for Juno herself.

Mark is a child. He doesn’t want to take responsibility. FINAL EXAMPLE:
When Juno is talking about a baby shower, Vanessa said that people wouldn’t throw them one. Mark then says: “COLD FEET”. Now, we automatically presume that the pregnant girl was the one who got cold feet. BUT, we can easily presume that MARK got cold feet, JUST like he will with Juno!
“Your shirt is stupid”.
Mark never dresses in a suit, or a proper buttoned shirt. Of course, he works strictly from home, but the fact that we never see him wear something an ADULT would wear is an indication that he hasn’t grown up. Oh, by the way Vanessa, that ‘stupid’ shirt was Soundgarden. Do not bag Soundgarden.

Of course, the most prevalent evidence is him ditching his family life, just to start up a band in the city. Childish? Yes, very. Incredibly irresponsible. Mark does not want to take responsibility, so he runs away. Does this sound like something you would do when you were, say, 12?
“I got a loft”
“Well, aren’t you the cool guy?”

And that’s the last we see of Mark.
Of course, to be fair, Mark’s life is being ridiculously controlled by Vanessa.
“She gave you your own room in...in your whole house? For your...for your stuff? Wow, she's got you on a long leash there, Mark.”

*turns off horror film when hearing garage door opening*
“Vanessa doesn’t like it when I just sit around and not contribute.”

Maybe he just wanted to escape from his unbearably controlled life. Your conclusion could be both, or one of them. I personally think he was just being a little brat. His taste in music (and girls) was pretty damn good though.

Quotes that made my friends groan:
“Bren, you’s a dick!”
“Honest to blog?”
“I am fo SHIZ, up the spout”
“BLAAAGH! I’M A KRAKEN FROM THE SEA!”
“Jeez Banana, shut your freakin gob, ok?”
“OH SHIT, Phuket Thailand!”

Seriously, I don’t even know what that last one means.

Again, Diablo Cody’s interpretation on what’s ‘hip’. I liked it, a lot of people didn’t.


I could write more...but no one will read it anyway :) that's all I'm gonna give away, thanks for reading/not reading!

A loving analysis of Juno: PART ONE

Juno. Four simple letters. One of my favourite movies of all time. Probably. Definitely maybe. Anyway, I figured I’d share the reasons why I love it, and give my own take on it. It’s not a review, because I’m not convincing you to watch it. It’s more of an essay.
Directed by Jason Reitman, the guy who later went on to do the great film Up In The Air. He also did Thank You For Smoking, but I haven’t seen that. I have however, seen Juno about...30+ times? I’ll get into why I love this movie later, first let’s go over the plot.

Juno Macguff (‘she thinks it’s a fake name, like Gene Simmons or Mother Theresa’) played by the...adequate Ellen Page (I’m messing with ya, she’s my favourite human being of all time), is basically knocked up by her childhood friend, Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera playing the as always, awkward teenager. Hey, if the glove fits...) who is pretty much in love with her. It’s evident from the start, but I’ll go over that later. So basically this film is roughly 89 minutes of exploring Juno’s life and handling of her situation. There’s a fantastic little soundtrack attached to the film, and the supporting cast is nothing short of fantastic, from J.K Simmons (he’s that guy from Oz, you know, the neo-nazi? Yeah, I found it weird to see him in a fatherly role), the dad, to Olivia Thirlby filling in the role as Juno’s teacher obsessed best friend, Leah...something. I don’t think I ever heard a surname. And I would know...I've seen this film way to many times. Even Rainn Wilson in his cameo is great. Possibly the weak points would be Jason Bateman, who plays the role of the planned adopted parent Mark Loring, and Jennifer Garner’s Vanessa Loring. Jason Bateman is just...unlikeable, and after his spectacular role as Michael Bluth in Arrested Development (one of my favourite TV shows of all time) he just comes off as...disappointing? More on that...later. And Jennifer Garner, I’ve never been a fan of. She’s ok, but compared to the powerhouse performances that surround her, it makes her look worse than she really is. Anyway, shit happens, Juno talks in crazy teenage lingo that we don’t actually EVER use in real life, finds parents to adopt, hangs out with the father a lot (‘is that normal?’), tries to juggle her school life with the baby, hits a low point, quickly rebounds back and an incredibly sweet ending is had, where I cried. Twice. And again on repeat viewings. Not so much now.

Why do I love it?
I have no idea, to tell you the truth (cue entire friendbase to groan and pelt me with rocks). It could be the unbearably cute soundtrack. It could be Diablo Cody’s fantastic script that I can quote with near perfection by now. Or it could be the single performance of Ellen Page, who went, in my eyes, from ‘the chick who can run through walls in X-Men 3’ to Canadian treasure, and the greatest actress that will ever grace the screen. She tackles the role with amazing depth, says every line with a hint of sarcasm that works amazingly well with the script, and delivers a role that was easily the best of the year (in its release), and one that should have won the Academy Award, unfortunately losing to Marion Cotillard (the two would later star in Inception, the best film of 2010, so far, at the time that this essay is written in). Ellen Page is a bloody prodigy in her work, and I’ve quickly grown to love her in every role she’s been in. Yeah, even X-Men 3, the bastard child of the trilogy. She’s actually great in her few minutes of screen time.

So there it is. I doubt anyone else could’ve pulled it off, so if it wasn’t for Ellen Page, my love for this movie would be significantly reduced. She managed to pull off not only the performance of the year, but one of cinema’s greatest performances. Call me biased, ignore my praise, but that’s just my opinion...man.
And there it is; the explanation of my love for the film.

My uni life in a nutshell

I had a massive load of tissues in my pocket, and they all fell out when I was walking to my lecture. Needless to say, about 200 people were thinking the same thing.

That I had a cold.

One of my lecturers had a fetish for walking up and down the aisles asking people questions. I was playing this Plants vs Zombies on my laptop and he came up from behind and asked if it was fun. I screamed. He thought I was scared of the zombies. FML

I have a different picture of Ellen Page as my background every week. I sit in the same spot every week in my lecture. Some guy randomly said to me that he hated Ellen Page. I told him not to look then. He said he couldn't help it, looking at a ugly face like hers. I started crying.

I like to think I won that argument.

I failed two subjects last semester.

Oh, were you waiting for a punchline?

Be gentle...it's my first time

There's...so many buttons! One for...bold, one for italics, one for UNDERLINING WHEN I REALLY WANNA EMPHASISE A POINT!

Yeah, I know, my font sucks. But I've used this since like...Grade 6. 

And yeah, my page is like TOTALLY messy. That Ellen Page picture is all in your face huh? Well...GOOD! Oh by the way, someone help me out with that 'labels' thing on the bottom right. That thing...scares me.

So what is this blog about? Pfft, anything. Don't worry, it'll improve. This is more of a...dry run than anything. Kinda how me and my friend's first podcast. And we all know how well THAT turned out, *coughs*.

I was thinking of getting pregnant and seeing if I'm still rocking like Ellen Page. I'll tell you how it goes.

Hey Ya! will be the song I...ahem...do it to. 

See ya in an hour.