A tour of Capital Wasteland, Part 1.

A story in the life of Fallout 3.


*comes out of womb crying. Funnily enough, hitting the A button makes me wail. It's fucking annoying, so I'll keep hitting it.*

My dad just asks me if I'm a boy or girl. Seriously, I'm two minutes old and he wants ME to decipher what I am? Eurgh...I choose girl. Because I am a baby, and don't know any better. Wahhhh. Now I'm expected to predict my future look. Weird, I can choose a mohawk for my hairstyle. My real parents would NEVER let me do that! Oh wait...you are my real parents...Liam Neeson and lady on bed who is going to die...oh look, she's dying, I predict correctly, AGAIN.

Fastforward? Epic. I'm a baby. The A button is now goo-goo ga-ga noises. And no, I'm not going to break into Bad Romance. It's the 2200's, she died seven years ago.

You're SPECIAL? Yes I am. Pool all my points into the Luck skill. I wanna go to a casino and win big.

I'm ten? More fastforward. At this rate I'll finish the game before dinner. And it's 6:29 already. Some douche called Butch is bullying me? Thank GOD I skipped that. Now I get a BB Gun for my birthday. Awesome, this birthday is neat, even though that robot fucked up my cake, what a douche. I'm shooting shit. Oh my God A GIANT COCKROACH. FUCKING FUCK FUCK- *turns game off*.

Oh fuck, I forgot to save.